Up Yours!......A Colonoscopy Experience.

Do you know what that is, over there on the left?

This is an 8-foot high and 20-foot long replica of a human colon that depicts both healthy tissue and colon disease.

Why am I showing it?

Because I have just been through a Colonoscopy and for me, a person who has only been in hospital a couple of times (1952 and 1998) in his 64-year life, I perceived and treated it as a daunting experience.

So I thought I'd lay out what I really experienced over the three days leading up to  and including C-hour on C-Day and possibly help someone who might be as concerned as I was.

Here we go then, day by day.......................

C-Day Minus 2.

My procedure (that's its official name - the "Procedure") was set for a Tuesday afternoon. Therefore the Preparation Phase (my emphasis) commenced on the Sunday prior to C-Day.

This first part of the preparation was the easiest: Starting on the Sunday morning  and continuing until I went to bed I was able to eat as much of what I liked from a restricted diet.

No meat, no milk, (but cheese was allowed), no vegetables, no fruit. No wholemeal bread. Nothing with seeds.

Eggs, white rice, peeled, well-cooked potato, white bread........all okay and, surprise, alcoholic beverages were permitted.

So for breakfast I had grilled cheese on white-bread toast and two cups of black coffee. And I drank several 250ml glasses of fresh water or apple juice during the morning.

Lunch consisted of two slices of white bread, lightly smeared (hardly visible!) with Vegemite, washed down with more glasses of water or fruit juice.

During the afternoon I consumed several cups of weak black (Twinings Earl Grey) tea with a teaspoon of sugar. The cuppas were reinforced by copious amounts of water and glasses of apple juice.

Tea - or "dinner" - was the highlight of the day: Two boiled eggs and a slice of toasted white bread, accompanied by a glass of wine then followed by a glass of apple juice for dessert. Yum!

Of course, all this consumption of liquids resulted in many trips to the toilet and, by the time I went to bed, my kidneys were screaming "ENOUGH!" I don't drink much straight water at the best of times, preferring fruit juices (but something a little more exciting than clear apple), so my system was quite taken aback by all this clear liquid.

The last items to be consumed before bedtime were two Senakote tablets, duly downed with a glass of water.

As I drifted off to sleep I thought that, although I was somewhat bored with drinking water, apple juice and tea, this first day of the preparation was pretty easy. Other than going to bed feeling hungry, the ordeal - if that is the correct term - was very easy to cope with.

However, having to get up and pee four times during the night didn't thrill me and when I woke up at 6:30 on C-Day Minus 1 (Monday) I was dead tired and not looking forward to the next module of the Preparation Phase.

C-Day Minus 1.

Monday dawned for me at about 5:30 AM, as I made my way to the toilet, said goodbye to what seemed like a couple of litres of apple juice and then snuck back to bed for another hour.

When I was being briefed by the specialist's nurse about The Procedure I was asked if it would be possible for me to not go to work on the Monday, to which I responded that yep, that wouldn't be a problem.
The reason she asked was due to the fact that Monday - C-Day Minus 1 - could be really considered as Forming A Close Attachment With The Toilet Day.  Being more than ten seconds away from the throne room was considered to be risky - akin to jumping out of a 'plane with an umbrella, or bungee-jumping using underpants-elastic as the bungee cord.

So when I finally dragged myself out of bed (around 6:30 AM) on this day I was faced with the fact that from here until C-Hour on Tuesday I had to live a life of NO FOOD! Chewing, as we know and love it, was out.

Complying with the printed instructions, I had prepared, on C-Day Minus 2 (Sunday), three separate 1-litre containers of The Stuff.
It's real name I can't recall - CPrep, or something like that.  Whatever, it is the modern equivalent of "C-Stoff", the rocket fuel used by the Nazis to power their V2. The effect is similar.
CPrep comes in a sachet and is mixed with 1 litre of fresh water and then placed in the fridge. I never want to see or taste it again as long as I live.
My wife had, at great expense, gone out that Sunday afternoon and bought three 1-litre plastic containers of orange juice, which were decanted into a standard 3-litre container, just so that I could have three 1-litre bottles for The Stuff.
(Note: three 1-litre containers of orange juice costs twice as much as a 3-litre container of the same product from the same manufacturer).

The morning was spent drinking "approved fluids".
These consisted of water, clear fruit juices (apple, in my case), black tea or coffee, clear consomme (chicken stock in my case), water, juice, water, tea..........ad infinitum.
By early afternoon, if I  moved I gurgled, like a water bed.

At 1430 hours (I'm introducing a military theme here) I was required to commence consumption of 1 litre of The Stuff and it was emphasised that I should consume 250ml every 15 minutes. If I felt sick then it was permissible for me to slow down the intake but I still had to down that 1 litre of fluid.

Now, let me explain that The Stuff had/has a slight citrus taste - possibly lemon - but there is an under-taste of Medicinal Chemicals.
After two glasses I really felt like gagging so I had a glass of apple juice in between doses of The Stuff.
I must pat myself on the back here and say that within the hour I had done my duty and all of that 1-litre of The Stuff had gone down my gullet. Fair enough, there were many chasers of apple juice and water, but I had got rid of one bottle. Two to go.

The information on the sachet said that bowel movements may commence between an hour and three hours, depending on the metabolism  of the victim subject.
Mine started about 32 seconds after I downed that last 250ml. Thank God I was less than a minute from our portal to Canberra's sewerage system.

Suffice to say that the rest of Monday morning was spent between the kitchen (where the refrigerated Stuff was located) and the smallest room in the house.

At 1800 hours I had to start drinking the contents of the second 1-litre container and drink as many glasses of "approved fluids" as I could.
By this time my taste buds were rebelling - The Stuff was making me nauseated with every swallow and I really had to force myself to drink it. But I managed and, again within that hour, I had knocked off the 1-litre container, aided by many additional glasses of apple juice.

By eight o'clock that night I had had it with liquids. All I wanted was to chew something.....anything. My teeth were feeling neglected.
I had also completed three crossword puzzles whilst passing the time in the loo and had gone through almost a full roll of two-ply quilted, embossed, softer-than-gossamer toilet paper and my rear end was feeling as if I'd been using sand-paper. I had also become sick of the smell of the air-freshener.
Not that it was needed by that time in the evening; all I was passing then was water.

I went to bed on Monday night feeling drained. Pun well and truly intended.
I also felt hungry and wanted something to taste that wasn't either sweet (juice) or bland (water). But most of all I did NOT want to drink the final 1-litre of The Stuff, which I was due to consume between 0700 and 0800 the next morning - C-day.

C-Day! 9 Hours and counting........

During the night I was up and down again.....all those "approved fluids", together with the 2-litres of Draino For Humans, had a sleep-disturbing effect.

Just before dawn I had a strange, and very clear, dream. I was in a queue in a cafe, making my selection for lunch and when I was served I asked the (faceless) girl behind the counter for a ham, cheese and tomato omelette, with salad.

I could see it and it looked exactly like those photos you see in cookery books....all appetising and delectable and beautifully presented.

The strange thing was that when I asked the price she said "Eight lettuce-leaves"!

So there I was, counting out lettuce-leaves to buy this mouth-watering omelette. Then I woke up and reality faced me; today was C-Day!

The first order of the day was that at 0700 I was to commence drinking the third 1-litre container of Stuff. To be perfectly frank, I was dreading that. Not because I was fearful of the consequences - after all, I had spent all day Monday wearing a pathway to the toilet. No, it was  the taste that put me off completely.

However, I gritted my teeth and downed the first glassful of the ghastly liquid and, twenty minutes later, did the same with the second 250 millilitres. Of course, in between these two doses I visited the little room several times.

Within the prescribed hour the liquid was gone........all of it inside me and by that time it was virtually coming straight out again.

The relief that I felt at 0800, knowing that I did not have to take The Stuff any more, was considerable. From that point on it was just "approved fluids" until 1130, when all consumption had to stop.

So breakfast consisted of several glasses of water and apple juice, as did morning tea.

Along the way I was still getting constant exercise by walking between where-ever I was at the time and the toilet. Crossword puzzles were being completed at a rapid - if disjointed - pace and shares in Kimberley-Clark were sky-rocketing as stocks of toilet tissue reduced dramatically.

The morning passed uneventfully and at 1120 I had my last glass of water. From now until after The Procedure, nothing would enter my body. Plenty would continue to depart, but nothing was allowed in.....well, apart from The Probe, of course.

Probe minus about 1 hour.

Other than irregular visits to the toilet, the rest of the day, up to 1500, was drama-free. My system by this time was devoid of everything; it was as clean as a brand new bit of plumbing.

Just prior to going off to the hospital I weighed myself and was startled to see that I had lost almost 5kg over the two-and-a-half days since starting the restricted diet on Sunday morning.

At 1530 I presented myself for admission and then passed from reception into the care of a nurse, who told me what the process would be for The Procedure.

I was shown to a curtained-off bed where I stripped to a T-shirt and then donned a disposable surgical gown, open at the back. I lay down on a mobile bed, placed a warmed cotton blanket over me and waited for the nurse to come and check my blood pressure.

When she did so she advised that the anaesthetist would soon come in and place a cannula in a vein on the back of my right hand and then I'd be wheeled into The Room and that the next time we spoke I'd be back where I currently was, without any memory of being Probed. Yeah...sure, I thought to myself.

But she was 100% correct.

The cannula was duly popped into my hand, I was wheeled into the room where official Probing was carried out. I was asked my name, why I was there, who my doctor was and then asked to roll onto my left side.  The anesthetist stuck a tube into the cannula and then the nurse said to me "Well, how are you feeling? Would you like a cup of tea or coffee and some sandwiches?"

Probe plus 30 minutes......

Huh?!

It was as if I just blinked and more than 30 minutes went by in that tiny moment in time.

There was no pain, no discomfort, no strange feelings, no nausea. One second I was on my left side about to have tubes inserted into me and a split second later I was on my left side being asked if I wanted refreshments.

As I was eating a sandwich - and I can't recall what was on it and didn't really care, because it was solid food - the gastroenterology guy came to say that everything was fine. One tiny polyp was removed. That was it.

In summary, The Procedure itself was an anti-climax.

The process is so straight-forward and drama-free that, in hindsight, I can honestly say that I would prefer to have that actual process done than have a tooth filled. Truly.

For me, the worst part was the preparation, the two days of restricted diet centred around the process of flushing out the digestive system.

I will never voluntarily drink that stuff again because I just could not stand the taste. I can still taste it.

Perhaps most people would find it quite okay and would deal with the 3-litres better than I could but all I know is that I would prefer the option (which I found out whilst eating the sandwiches afterwards), which is many tablets consumed with much fresh water. That I could stand.

For anyone either contemplating a colonoscopy as part of a regular checkup, or who might be required to have one in order to investigate a problem, don't be alarmed or put off by the actual thought of having your nether regions probed by people wielding exotic power tools.

It's the Preparation Phase which you should avoid at all costs - unless you like citrus-flavoured drain cleaner.

The GT200 arrives home!

 

Today I rode the Vespa home after being phoned yesterday to say that it was all fettled and serviced and ready to become mine.

So I had a most enjoyable ride, on a beautiful clear, calm sunny end-of-winter's day, taking the long way home. It was a delightful experience and I've fallen for this little Italian lady in a big way.

Tomorrow I will take some photos and I s'pose I'll have to choose an appropriate name for her.
"Sophia" is too obvious, as is "Audrey" (Hepburn, from the classic movie, "Roman Holiday").
So I was thinking perhaps "Gina" (Lollobrigida - another curvaceous Italian from my era).....

She actually rode a scooter (a Lambretta, not a Vespa...but that doesn't matter, it was Italian) as a pillion passenger behind Rock Hudson in the 1961 movie, "Come September"........

 

That's her, below....on the right, peering over Rock's shoulder. (That's Bobby Darin and wife Sandra Dee on the left.)

But no......the more I thought about it the more I just wanted a female name to dovetail nicely with the word "Vespa", so maybe it should start with a 'V'.

"Virginia Vespa"? No....doesn't roll off the tongue, really.

"Violet", no. "Valerie", no.

I ran through all the girls names beginning with 'V' that I could think of and came up with nothing that I liked.

So "Gina" it is!

_______________________________________________

These photos below were taken today - Sunday 29th. August - after I had ridden 86 kilometres for no reason other than to ride for an hour or so. It was a sparkling morning - the final couple of days of winter (officially, that is) - and the two shots below were taken atop Red Hill, where I paused for a coffee which didn't eventuate because the cafe doesn't open until 11:00 AM.

Other than that, it was a perfect morning and Gina Vespabrigida performed wonderfully.

(Click for much larger images)

I've always liked Vespa scooters......

........so I finally bought one!

For some months I've been pondering the purchase of a Vespa. It had to be the traditional shape but I wanted it in a modern, automatic "twist-'n'-go" configuration, not one of the earlier geared models.

I umm-ed and ahh-ed and did nothing about it other than a lot of research and looking and a couple of test rides until I decided to sell the Yamaha SRV250 Renaissa on which I had the "off" back at the beginning of April (is it really that long ago? Wow!).

I never felt fully comfortable on that little bike after my accident so it was advertised on eBay a few weeks back and a nice chap from down the coast bought it - he'd been looking for one for a while.

So over the past fortnight I've been deliberating about getting a Vespa, something not less than 150cc in capacity.

Purchase price + on-road costs meant that my budget (taking into account the money from the sale of the Renaissa) would not extend to a new model; a Vespa LX150ie is over $7,000 on the road.

I looked at several ads for "pre-owned" 150cc units (The ET4 150) and they were more in my price range - from $3,500 to $4,500.  They looked quite promising...........until this morning (said in the fashion of Jeremy Clarkson).

I ventured over to Motorini, in the Woden suburb of Phillip, and had a chat with the proprietor, Nico Wright, about a second-hand Vespa.

Lo! and Behold!.......there at the back of his workshop (actually parked outside) was a GT200 with 17,000 kms on it that had recently been traded for a new GTS300. (The previous owner had ridden it over from Adelaide, incidentally).

The GT200 is equipped with the small windscreen, a top-box, heated handgrips and was undergoing maintenance and replacement of the head gasket. To round it out it is finished in the not-often-seen Portofino Green livery.

Price is within my scope so I have committed to buy and would expect to add it to the stable within the next fortnight.

My You Tube stuff.

Not everyone's cup of tea, by any stretch of the imagination, but my music tastes tend to lean towards the so-called "Easy Listening" genre (although I do consider myself to have rather eclectic tastes in music).

Being as I am from the Vinyl Age, I do have a large collection of these 12" discs from the 1960's and 1970's - the pre-CD era in the progression of mankind.

I have (and continue to do so as time allows) made digital recordings (MP4's) of many tracks from various LP's and uploaded these to my channel on You Tube, where you will find arrangements from such notables as Dudley Moore and his trio, Andre Previn, Joe Harnell, Percy Faith and others, some well known, some obscure (such as Jonathan & Darlene Edwards).

If this is your thing, then you are welcome to meander into this You Tube address. 

==========================================

For those who may be interested in the "how does he do it?" technical stuff associated with the recording:-

The vinyl is played on a conventional turntable (1970s to 1980s versions)...I have a couple.

The analogue signal is then input via a NAD PP3 USB Preamp to my PC and the incoming sound is recorded as a digital WAV file using VinylStudio.

That digital file is then converted to an MP3 file using either GoldWave or Audacity editing suites.

Finally, to create a file format acceptable for You Tube, an MP4 audio/video file is created with VideoPad video editor or Microsoft's "Movie maker" before uploading to You Tube.

Practising the 'P'-plate motorcycle test.

(Click on image for larger view)

Today I spent a couple of hours with a group of like-minded 'L'-platers as we were taken through a practice session for the standard test for the  'P' (Provisional) license.

Under a perfect clear blue winter's sky and nary a breeze we assembled at the EPIC (Exhibition Park In Canberra) car park at Mitchell as instructor Heidi put us through the paces.

The 90-degree turn; accelerating to 20kph and stopping with the front wheel within a fixed-size rectangle; the cone-weave; followed by the emergency stop and, finally, the dreaded U-turn.

The Honda CM400A was my steed for the day (I really feel comfortable with this bike) and I think that I managed a successful U-turn (staying inside the lines) twice from about ten attempts, so have some work to do in that area. But all the others seemed fine and it is just a matter of practising until I can do it all without thinking about it.

Then, come September or October....or maybe November.....I'd like to do the test for real.

The Renaissa's back!

Eight weeks after the damage occurred, repairs were completed this week and the bike was available for collection yesterday (Thursday 3rd.)

Having only ridden less than 3 kilometres on it before the accident, I am somewhat nervy about riding it, so will be taking it easy over the weekend and then only if the weather is dry.

I'll update next week.

My first serious 'bike accident

It occurred on Friday 9th. April and the following is what I posted on the Canberra Riders forum....... 

Less than two minutes after having the bike inspected and passed (Discount Tyres, Erindale) and on my way home (another two minutes away) I am laying on the road at a roundabout, having given way to a driver on my left who was entering said roundabout....or so I thought.

"What the ???????" I say to myself as I lay there, bike to the left (still idling), me on my back.

I had the presence of mind to reach out and hit the kill switch as people came from left, right and centre.

Then I thought "Who's going to feed the cat tonight?" Ridiculous thought!! Why did I think that?!

Solicitous people are asking if I am hurting (not "Are you okay?", thank heavens) and, if so, where.

I hear someone calling triple-oh and I hear people talking about moving the bike off the road.

By this time I'm in a sitting position, visor half-connected to the helmet, and I'm nursing my left arm because my shoulder is hurting. I notice blood seeping slightly through the right leg of my jeans just where my knee is.

But - other than my sore left shoulder - I feel fine physically but utterly devastated emotionally. And HUGELY embarrassed. All those people looking at me and doing things because of something I did.

A fire engine arrives from Tugg and less than a minute later the ambulance arrives from Calwell station.

The man who dialled 000 tells me (a little later) that the operator said she'd send "everyone" but the police never stopped at the scene.

They did pass through the roundabout on their way up Erindale Drive....probably to something more pressing.

Single-vehicle accident, driver/rider okay.

But the ambos stayed, expecting the police to come.

Ambo checks me over, including slitting the sleeve of a perfectly good shirt!

At that time I have only a sore shoulder and an abrasion to the right knee - well, that's all that I know about.

"Do you want us to take you to casualty?"

"NAAAA! I'm fine....bit sore in the shoulder and I can stick a band-aid on the knee. I'll be okay, thanks all the same"

The driver I fell over for ended up taking me home (she is a motorcyclist) and a very nice man (Mick...thank you) rode my damaged bike home for me. He was a motorcyclist and used to tutor Troy Bayliss. Small world.

An hour later daughter calls in on way home from work and takes me to the medical centre.

Why? I was fine just an hour ago!

Moving my left arm above horizontal is agony.

Huge swellings are growing around both knees. It is painful to walk as I have to bend at the knees.........and on my right elbow there is a graze and another swelling. (Huh? Right elbow? It wasn't even sore an hour ago!)

I have discovered an abrasion to my right inner ankle. Huh? Where did that come from?!

Doctor (my GP for 26 years) says, "You IDIOT, Bruce!!" (great bedside manner!) when I tell her that I sent the ambulance away.

Abrasions are cleaned and dressed, tetanus shot administered, x-rays taken of left knee and left shoulder.

NO breaks. Thank God.

The swellings are soft tissue damage and should reduce over the coming week but "You are going to feel this tomorrow"!

Left shoulder is rotator-cuff damage due to severe extension of the arm (I held onto the left handle bar and the savage jerk tried to pull the ball out of the socket.)

Three hours after the accident my daughter drops me off at home and I am thankful to be in one piece, without major injuries and able to mentally slap myself repeatedly about the head as I shout "IDIOT!" over and over.

Observations A:

Unfamiliar with the bike, I grabbed too much front brake and literally in a split second I was on the ground.

Speed was only around 40 - 50 kph, as I had just left a 40 kph zone and was actually slowing (engine braking) when I grabbed the lever.

Strike One for Bruce.

Maybe the driver entering the roundabout should have stopped at the dotted line instead of continuing on into the roundabout. As it turned out, she was turning left into Harricks Cres. but she wasn't angling left as she crossed the line. That led my brain to the instinctive conclusion "SHE'S COMING THROUGH!"

Perhaps a Strike 0.5 for the car driver.

Observations B:

PPE works.

I have a graze on the front chin-protector of my helmet right where my lower right jaw sits within that helmet.

I would have facial damage if I had worn an open-faced helmet. Even an ambo commented on that.

Abrasions can occur through clothing.

My jeans have no holes yet I was severely abraded in the region of the right knee.

I suppose the only advantage is no ingress of road crap.

Armour works.

I might have an abrasion to my right elbow but even though I came down on that side, no point damage to the bone or tissue.

My jacket does, however, have some holes.

Armoured bits on gloves work, too.

They are reusable, but there is light grinding damage to the "bumps" on the right hand.

Conclusion:

I am more upset about the damage to the bike than I am to the damage to me.

It's not irreparable, by any means - the headlight & bucket need replacing; the handlebars seem to be slightly out of alignment; foot-brake lever is bent slightly; road-rash marks on the bar-end, muffler, etc. - but I am just so upset that this lovely little machine has been damaged by ME. That's what hurts the most.
========

Since writing the above, 3 weeks have passed and, in that time, I have climbed back onto a 'bike (the Honda CM400A) and have ridden it in traffic. It was important - to me - to do that because I felt that the longer I left it then the more my doubts would grow and my confidence wane.

Physically, the healing process is slow; the bruising has nearly gone, abrasions have healed over and the swellings have reduced but the left shoulder is still sore and will take longer to recover than the bruises and scratches.

As for the Renaissa - it is in the hands of the repairers and will be fixed just as soon as the headlight and any other bits arrive from Japan.

The Honda CM400A had a makeover.

(Click on photos for a full-size version)

A couple of month's ago I took the two side panels and the fuel tank from the "spare parts" CM250 to a spray painter to have redone in one of the colours used for the 1979 CM400 model.

I chose the Candy Ruby Red, as this was not available on the 1980 range, the liveries being either a blue or green - the latter being that in which my CM400A was supplied. The CM250 came with the blue combination.

The advantage in swapping the tank was that I gained another few litres (11 as against 9).

For some odd reason the smaller-capacity bike has a larger-capacity tank! One would have thought it would have been the other way around.

So whilst the tank and side panels were at the specialist I ordered the correct set of colour-matched decals from the USA and also a new pair of HONDA tank badges from a supplier here in Oz.

Whilst the total cost was not inexpensive - particularly that for the refinishing - the result is simply fabulous (to coin an expression!). It's not a metallic but has a silver base over which the red is applied and is then finished off with several clear coats.

I think it suits the bike to a 'T' and is more attractive than the green.

What do you think?

A very Happy Birthday to Sir Jack.

Sir Jack Brabham turned 84 on Good Friday so I'd just like to take this opportunity to wish him all the best and may there be many more yet to come.

I followed F1 racing for many, many years, only having my fanatic interest fade after the sport turned into a commercial, made-for-TV business.....say the late 1980's.

I was very fortunate in seeing Sir Jack race at Warwick Farm more than once, and compete against the likes of Jim Clark, Dennis Hulme, Graham Hill, Bruce McLaren, Jackie Stewart and many others from his era. A lot of those drivers have since died, some through natural causes (Denny Hulme for instance) but most through racing-related accidents.

So it is heart-warming to see that Sir Jack is still with us, one of the few living connections to that period in Grands Prix racing when so many drivers were killed in the pursuit of their love of motor-racing.

I look forward to posting a "Happy Birthday, Sir Jack" on his 94th. 

The Suzuki's replacement.

This is a 1997 Yamaha SRV250 Renaissa due to arrive from Melbourne next week. It is the same type of motorcycle as that bought by my son last August, as seen in an earlier post.

Yamaha initially released the model as the SRV250 (no "Renaissa" name) - essentially a Virago 250 motor put into a feather-bed copy frame. The motor was basically unchanged from the Virago except that it used 2 carbies instead of 1 and had a little higher compression; end result 27hp as opposed
to 21hp for the Virago. Weight was about 144kg.

They came out in 2 colours - either metallic red or green - with a silver alloy engine and chrome exhaust and although well received they were expensive for a 250cc bike.

So the later cut price version - the Renaissa - was released.

Silver alloy and chrome were replaced by black paint on the motor and frame and a single speedo was used instead of the original tacho and speedo. There were few other cosmetic changes and the colours were either silver/black or orange/black.


This one has about 23,000km's and appears to have been well cared for.
I'm looking forward to its arrival.